Sunday, 27 February 2011

America- International Crappy Friend

If you ever had a friend who was going through a rough patch and decided to drink the pain away, and watched as he slurred his words, fell over, and vomited an entire chicken curry into a toilet bowl, would you pour him another drink? I'm going to assume you said you wouldn't pour another drink, and if you would your a crappy friend.

Israel is Americas obnoxious drunk friend, falling around and fucking things up, and America is Israels crappy friend, always enabling, pouring another double shot of Vodka and shouting "CHUG CHUG CHUG" in Israel's ear; each year handing out billions of dollars worth of military aid, and making those troublesome little violations of international law just disappear

Its crazy watching from the outside as Israels biggest ally in the region topples and falls despite the incredible wall of American tax money that has held it up for years. Across the middle east people have stated an almost unanimous "FUCK THIS SHIT!", no more American military investments, no more tyrannous leaders enslaving our thoughts and suppressing our freedom, no more sitting down quietly and watching as our country is ravaged by a puppet government.

Its amazing to think that the spark to the middle east's forest fire of rebellion was simply one word, "no." Defiance has lead to revolution in Tunisia, Egypt, Palestine, Iran and Libya. I like to think that remaining defiant and questioning everything is a practice that should remain active throughout your life, and i always say that when you are trying to make change, whether that be fighting for civil rights or fighting for your right to sponge baths, its the little victories that count.

This little victories concept was defined for me in a radio interview i heard just before the Iraq war. Basically a bunch of young Scottish children had a sit down protest in the Scottish Parliament buildings reception. Of course, a bunch of children holding a protest was a journalists wet dream so there were tonnes of media outlets attending. after a few hours this smarmy, pedantic prick of a BBC radio journalist asked one of the children, "What do you think a bunch of children in Scotland could possibly do to prevent a war in Iraq?" and this Scottish child responded to this fool with more sense then any politician or press officer possibly could and said "Well, if six is old enough to be bombed to death in Iraq, well then 8 years old is enough to try stop it in Scotland."

Little victories my friends, little victories. America, next time Israel tries to drive home drunk, be a good friend, take their fucking keys...

Saturday, 26 February 2011

Fox Evicted from Penthouse

A loada rich dudes in london are currently building "The Shard", a skyscraper in London and found a fox living on the 72nd floor!!

The fox had been up there for about 2 or 3 weeks living on scraps of food left over by builders. Apparently this little ninja fox would have to climb the 945 feet tower by using 71 sets of stairs and a ladder to get to his layer.

A pest control group gave the fox a health check and then released him near London bridge. The tower is basically a hub for over acheiving, silver spoon bearing rich kids and will have offices, a hotel, viewing galleries, bars, restaurants and luxury apartments.

Personally, I think if this fox was smart enough to climb a ladder they should give him a fucking room in the building, considering they probably built this tower on top of his house. The majority of people who will avail of this building wont know what a ladder is, or fear their armani suits might get stuck in them, this fox doesnt even have thumbs and he could master it...

London is home to many an urban fox, but apparently many London dwellers have taking to culling foxes. Apparently people are getting pissed at these furry fellows because they rip open bins and make noise in the night....Thing is...they were kind of there before you, even the name "urban fox" makes no sense. They are only urban foxes because you happened to build a fucking city around them!

In August 2006 the BBC did a piece on a south london couple who had spent £1000 in attempts to remove foxes from their property...words cannot descripe my hatred...

Basically whats happened here is like me coming into your house and saying "ehm sorry, this is my house now, can you leave" and then me sleeping in your house all the time and being pissed because you wouldnt leave, and then me spendin a bitch load of money to have you removed....

Sense, where hast then hidden!

Saturday, 19 February 2011

Voldemort Cat!

Sooooo, this crazy looking bastard of a Cat named charlie is unable to find a home, because he looks to much like voldemort! Personally, im more of a dog person, and im not a particularly big fan of bespectacled wizards....BUT JESUS CHRIST I WANT A CAT THAT LOOKS LIKE VOLDEMORT!

This 14 year old domestic short haired pussy (LOL) was taken in by the blue cross, but had to have his ear and nose removed because he had skin cancer.

Why does nobody want this thing? He has so many loveable assets, first of all, he doesnt get on with other animals, a lot of people think thats a bad thing, personally i see that as a benefit, at least he wont be bringing girls home late at night and leaving condoms all over the place. He doesnt get on with children, another thing that people seem to have a problem with, but i dont want some sticky little fuckers running around my house breaking all my shit. And of course saving the best for last, HE LOOKS LIKE FUCKING VOLDEMORT!  

Supply and demand...You sicken me.

Yes, I have arrived. Although my immeasureable hatred for bloggers such as that "Perez hilton" cunt has kept me away from blogging, my ever flowing love for monetary gain has over come my  previous qualms.

Its not neccessarily that i hate blogs or bloggers, in fact The Huffington Post is bitchin' Hot, its more a sense of distaste at this incredible need we have for publicity!

Everyone nowadays is craving limelight, from demi-celebrities whipping their minge out when popularity drops or some fool dousing himself in gasoline because his wife found a better man, we all crave attention.

And the nation of the world (well the western world) always blame things on the media, "oh the media these days are just feeding these drunken sluts the attention they crave". But its not the medias fault, if the everyone was interested in politics, the TV would only show politics, if people were only interested in calculators, magazines would only show calculators, but because we are interested in the vaginas of drunken teen whore, the media only shows us the vaginas of drunken teen whores.
At the end of the day, the worlds media are purely interested in money, they dont care about truth or justice if we dont care about truth or justice, its all supply and demand.

BUt anyway, everyone is constantly trying to have their opinions shown. From the ranting lunatic on your street corner to the highst paid politician (although the differences are slight) people just want to be heard. Like opinion polls! Constantly we are force fed these bullshit questions to whic NOBODY has an answer!

"What are the chances of a terrorist attack on london in the next year"
"Very Likely"
"Very Unlikely"

In all these polls there should be another option that reads....
"I dont have a fucking clue because you just pulled me off the street, im fat, poor, lonely and have no military, political or tactical background, im not involved in Al Queda, the IRA or the Taliban, i cannot possibly give you a knowledgeable or informed answer without a monstrous amount of research, which due to my current state of employment may take some."

So, basically thats why i havent started a blog before now...